I faked an abortion last night.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
