No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
