Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
