Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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