chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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