man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
