im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize