I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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