just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
