I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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