Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
