dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
