i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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