everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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