dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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