D3 body, D1 cock
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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