I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
