I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
