Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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