at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
