I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
