I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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