New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
