The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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