I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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