dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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