I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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