Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Your tits are I can't wait for
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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