he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
