I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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