as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
