and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
