"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
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