Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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