i was born a porn star she said
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
God, I missed his penis.
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