I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
