Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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