At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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