i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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