I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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