he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
