then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
