She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
