There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
