Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
