On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
