I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
