Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
