my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
