they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
