Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
im six kinds of drunk right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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