A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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