maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
