Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
