okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
