I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
