Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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