I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
