Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
